Being a single parent uses up every ounce of your juggling skills and if you missed the juggling classes you soon get a crash course in the art of doing 6 things at once as well as more worrying than humanly possible for one person. One of the things that I really worried over, and still do, is my parenting style. Not the designer gear sort of style complete with matching accessories but more the ‘how you parent’ sort of style.
When my second child came along there was the how to get down the street in a safe and orderly manner task to conquer. The baby was easy to contend with. Wrapped up in pram he was safe as my pram driving skills would allow. But now my daughter was footloose and fancy-free. No pushchair for her anymore. I tried the reins approach which lasted all of one trip to town. She got tangled up, I got stressed and the reins were sent to the back of the cupboard. I soon learned I couldn’t push a pram with one hand and hold her hand and keep us all safe.
The solution was to have a spying session on other mums, how did other mums do it? It materialized that some could indeed push a pram with one hand whilst others took the baby in the sling, other child in pushchair approach. I tried this too. Now if you have experienced this you may understand where I come from when I say it makes you walk very unnaturally and not at all straight. After 9 months of a growing bump with growing backache, I was yearning to stand up straight. Having the baby in the sling was like being pregnant again, plus being summer baby got hot, I got hot, baby got hotter….you can see where I am going with this. Sling soon joined the reins at the back of the cupboard.
My only answer was to train my daughter to hold the side of the pram. Easier said than done, so I thought. I had images of something catching her eye and off she would go even if I had explained firmly and nicely that she needed to keep hold of the pram. Indeed this did happen, at the side of the road too. Did I handle the incident with decorum? No. Did I act calmly and explain in best sugar-coated words the risk of being flattened by a passing car? Well no. I went into hysterics of the screaming you could have been killed kind. There were uncontrollable tears from me and a wobbly bottom lip from her. Solved the problem as she never let go of the pram every again.
This was my first taste of the differences in parenting styles. Tell them as it is verses sugar coated. Tell them as it is seems a bit harsh but is it the right thing? Or should it be more sugar coated? Life isn’t sugar-coated though, awful things happen.
As my children are now a lot older sugar coated really doesn’t work, it doesn’t get over the importance of some things. They are about to enter the era of firsts. The first offer of alcohol, first offer of a cigarette, first offer of a kiss…… I’ll stop there before I get myself wound up. With the first increasing, the importance and danger increase too.
So how do you think children should be warned of dangers? What’s your parenting style? Sugar-coated or tells them as it is?
- Gill Sims
- HarperCollins
- Kindle Edition
- English
- Ruth Hogan
- Two Roads
- Kindle Edition
- English
- Tara Westover
- Cornerstone Digital
- Kindle Edition
- English
- Poppy Dolan
- Canelo Escape
- Kindle Edition
- English
Parenting Styles Do you Sugar Coat or Tell Them As It Is
Girl no we should not sugar coat what is reality for our children! From one single mum to another we do our children a disservice when we don’t tell them the truth. I always resented this in the courts during mediation visitation hearings because kids already know what’s going on.
If we don’t tell them the world will and I guess you have to figure out what’s more important, for your child to hear it from you in it’s truest form or from someone who does not have their best interest at heart.
However, even during the truth telling session we need to go back and provide clear explanation and be careful that we are not reacting out of our own fears .. Thanks for this topic!
April Gabrielle
Author
“The Myth of the Broken Home”
http://www.nobrokenhome.com