So you’ve done the cute baby stuff and you’ve helped them every step of the way through school but now, quicker than you thought possible, your little one isn’t so little any more and they’ve become a teenager.
Don’t buy into the hype of the ‘terrible teens’ though – parenting a teenager need not be the horrific experience it is sometimes painted out to be. You need to accept that your role as a parent changes over time but it’s no less vital than those days when you were changing messy nappies galore. Now your child is a teenager you need to ease them into independence and set them up to stand on their own two feet, once they reach adulthood. But just how do you encourage that?
Carrot not stick
One of the first things to consider is that all-important word ‘encourage’. Don’t try to force the issue. Your child is facing up to all sorts of physical and emotional changes as a teenager and it’s likely that a strict and forceful tone will simply lead to conflict.
The expertbeacon.com website sums up this changing role pretty neatly by likening it to that played by a sports coach. In this analogy early childhood is like the build-up to a game – where you’re hands-on, teaching them new things, passing on lots of advice and assistance as they learn the game.
Once your child turns into a teenager you’ve reached the match – you can be there on the sidelines to pass on instructions, tactical knowledge and dish out the odd pep talk but it’s up to them to put what they’ve learned into practice.
Job
One of the important parts of ushering your child towards independence is to help them get the grips with money – preferably not all from you too! Encourage your child to take up a part-time job at 16 or 17 and they will not only earn themselves a steady stream of pocket money to spend on the thing they want but will also learn important life lessons about how to act in the workplace.
Again, don’t push them into a job, encourage them and show them the benefits to be had. You could also edge them in the right direction by signing them up for bike courses and getting them a moped for their birthday. This will help them get to and from their job and they’ll also enjoy the social independence they can get from this too – a win all round and a constructive way to encourage your child on the road to independence, while avoiding putting them on your car insurance!
Responsibility
Make your teenager feel a valued member of the household as they make the transition to adulthood – start involving them in some basic decision making and talk to them on a more even level. That way they’ll start to find their own voice and preferences and be more comfortable being independent in the wider world. Let them see, though, that with this comes a responsibility – an obligation to take on at least some of the household chores.
Above all, remember you are still needed as a parent. To encourage independence it’s important to continue to act as a role model and someone to turn to for help and advice. Try to stay calm and relaxed, your teen will make mistakes – everyone does – but it’s important that you provide them with support to learn from these.
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