There has been many times I went to call you then remembered you’re not there. There has been many times I was going to text but remembered you’re not there. Today my social feeds are full of grinning mums with their cards and presents. Declarations of ‘worlds best mum’ scroll past my eyes one after the other.
We use to be of the same thinking, that Mothers Day was just another day. It was for retailers to make yet more money. When I told my own children a few years ago that Mothers Day for them to me wasn’t obligatory. For them not to feel pressurised by social media or retailers, you said you totally agreed and that I was to do the same for you.
I just couldn’t not give you a card each year. I was brought up in a different world to the one the children are being brought up in now.
Today is the my first Mothers Day without you. I can’t tell you all the funny things that have happened. I can’t surprise you with flowers. Or text you a joke. I cant choose a cheesy Mothers Day card for you to roll your eyes at.
No one warns you that when you loose your Mother that there is nothing or no one that will be the same. Yes you have other members of your family, friends and strangers too in your life. But no one can fill her shoes and no one should. Its an honour to have a mother/daughter relationship, its like no other. Its a relationship that daughters don’t quiet get till they become mothers themselves.
There is no way to sugar coat it but my first Mothers Day without mum is horrible. I miss her more each day. Each day I smile at her picture on the fridge poking her tongue out.
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